Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Should have been dead....

My biological mother should have fight for me back then, because that way my father might have really killed me. Because I can't stand living right now.

I have a father who thinks he's right and when you say something to him that sounds negative he says, 'oh now I'm wrong about everything'. In cantonese.
I try to be more open about things - trying to have my dad look at my views or a glimpse of it.
So he can be stop being a child.
Everything I say gets flip around.

Even thought she's my stepmom I try to look from her point of view too.

Fuck this!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Calm winds & drizzle; Wednesday; 十二月九二00八年

A friend is when you lend them money (a small amount) and you don't wouldn't care if the return it.

Learn something at least once a week.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Windy Day; Sunday 十二月七二00八

Wow.
Its so funny to be reading previous entries. And to see how over dramatic I was each and every time. I've been having my moments too frequently now, it actually starting to scare me a bit. I guess this is my way of reminding myself.

Heh. Don't know what else to say or update.
Just want to remember that I had one day of a calm weekend.
Not entirely peaceful since I have a paper due on Thursday.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Gloomy weather; Saturday 十一月二十九二00八






pochakoxb
(11:06:50 PM):
Hey David Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Auto Response from Aoshi916 (11:06:51 PM): HOCKEY!!!
Aoshi916 (11:07:16 PM): you too nelina ^^
pochakoxb (11:07:26 PM): ....
pochakoxb (11:07:35 PM): <_<...
pochakoxb (11:07:41 PM): dude...what did you just call me?
Aoshi916 (11:07:42 PM): LOL
Aoshi916 (11:07:53 PM): i'm so soryy
Aoshi916 (11:07:57 PM): sorry*
Aoshi916 (11:08:13 PM): wrong tab pikachui
Aoshi916 (11:08:16 PM): >_>
pochakoxb (11:08:23 PM): So whose Nelina?
pochakoxb (11:08:26 PM): huh?
pochakoxb (11:08:27 PM): huh?
Aoshi916 (11:08:44 PM): a friend..only a friend
pochakoxb (11:08:52 PM): o_Ohmmm....
pochakoxb (11:09:13 PM): well you lucky you corrected yourself or I would have taken back my greeting and band you from my aim.
pochakoxb (11:09:23 PM): You little brat.
Aoshi916 (11:09:23 PM): = (
Aoshi916 (11:09:33 PM): how am i spoiled?
pochakoxb (11:10:05 PM): Because i should have went a little more dramatic - but since you're David i'd let you slip by. Thats why.
pochakoxb (11:10:30 PM): SO so so whose this Nalina..huh? huh? hee hee.
Aoshi916 (11:10:36 PM): lol
Aoshi916 (11:10:47 PM): again, my bad steph
Aoshi916 (11:10:59 PM): so did you celebrate yesterday?
pochakoxb (11:11:18 PM): well we had Hot Pot..no Turkey.
pochakoxb (11:11:52 PM): What about you?
Aoshi916 (11:11:56 PM): nope
Aoshi916 (11:12:29 PM): i was kind of in a foul mood yesterday...
pochakoxb (11:12:44 PM): wow..
pochakoxb (11:13:03 PM): you're the third person...besides me who was in a bad mood yesterday.
Aoshi916 (11:13:14 PM): lol rly?
pochakoxb (11:13:24 PM): Weathr pretty much was the main reason for me, other than my lack of family tradition when it comes to holidays like this.
pochakoxb (11:13:36 PM): I promise myself that when I have kids, is going to be BIG..and FUN.
pochakoxb (11:13:42 PM): Not just sitting around waiting for dinner.
Aoshi916 (11:14:27 PM): i'm not a big fan of kids..my mother talks to me about HER grandkids >_>
Aoshi916 (11:14:41 PM): i'm like wtf, i don't want kids...
pochakoxb (11:15:12 PM): Psh, no mini Davids for me to play around...
pochakoxb (11:15:14 PM): awwww
pochakoxb (11:15:25 PM): ROFL
Aoshi916 (11:15:29 PM): O_O
pochakoxb (11:16:05 PM): Its not that bad...if you have one.
pochakoxb (11:16:08 PM): just one..
pochakoxb (11:16:14 PM): not like...4
Aoshi916 (11:16:57 PM): children are like pets.....really expensive pets that talk back too
pochakoxb (11:17:22 PM): So that means you're a pet too...
pochakoxb (11:17:25 PM): (pat pat)
pochakoxb (11:17:37 PM): (pat pat)
Aoshi916 (11:17:37 PM): you too you know....
pochakoxb (11:17:46 PM): I'm not complaining am i?
Aoshi916 (11:17:57 PM): neither am i
pochakoxb (11:18:11 PM): If you teach your 'pets' well they won't bite back.
pochakoxb (11:19:06 PM): My father did a half-ass job with me so HE shouldn't be complaining, he should be glad that i'm still virgin, not taking drugs, not robbing, and not making him grandpa at the age of 19, unlike some of my co-workers.
Aoshi916 (11:19:28 PM): ....
pochakoxb (11:19:44 PM): Okay that was a little dramatic..
Aoshi916 (11:19:49 PM): *nods*
pochakoxb (11:19:53 PM): Erase that from your memory....
Aoshi916 (11:20:00 PM): can't...
pochakoxb (11:20:06 PM): I'll just send Xavier after you then...
Aoshi916 (11:20:14 PM): *doesn't mind*
pochakoxb (11:20:15 PM): You cannot live after hearing this.
pochakoxb (11:20:21 PM): oh yeah...you don't..
pochakoxb (11:20:27 PM): darn...nothing to threaten you with.
Aoshi916 (11:20:52 PM): anything explicit or sexual related sticks to my mind like glue...it's guarenteed to be remembered for the next 24 hours......
pochakoxb (11:20:57 PM): .....
pochakoxb (11:21:04 PM): how did what i said even near sexual?
Aoshi916 (11:21:19 PM): virgin was part of it
pochakoxb (11:21:25 PM): like thats a surprise....
Aoshi916 (11:21:26 PM): not to mention first on your list
pochakoxb (11:21:43 PM): well that was my mom's first concern when i dated.
pochakoxb (11:21:48 PM): heh.
Aoshi916 (11:24:10 PM): you went out with only one person right?
pochakoxb (11:24:20 PM): yup
Aoshi916 (11:24:31 PM): how come it didn't work out?
pochakoxb (11:24:37 PM): I got dumped...
pochakoxb (11:24:42 PM): He didn't give me a clear reason...
pochakoxb (11:24:57 PM): Assuming he dumped me so he can go back to his ex-girlfriend.
Aoshi916 (11:25:05 PM): ......
Aoshi916 (11:25:11 PM): bastard...
pochakoxb (11:25:15 PM): Only from what I heard like a year ago he cheated..
pochakoxb (11:25:22 PM): he got cheated*
Aoshi916 (11:25:30 PM): at least give a reason dammit
pochakoxb (11:25:48 PM): oh he...gave me bullshit i don't even remember because it was so farfetch...
pochakoxb (11:26:29 PM): But we started communicating thru e-mail, only we stopped recently...
pochakoxb (11:27:43 PM): someone was surprised that i manage to stay single for.......4 years.....
Aoshi916 (11:28:44 PM): talkin about him?
pochakoxb (11:29:19 PM): not in detail..just how i got dumped...
pochakoxb (11:29:53 PM): and then i just focus back on them
pochakoxb (11:30:00 PM): they have like the weridest...relationship...
Aoshi916 (11:30:12 PM): i meant was he that someone who was surprised that you "managed" to stay single
pochakoxb (11:30:46 PM): oh no...actually throughtout our e-mail we never mentioned about relationship...its like we never dated.
pochakoxb (11:30:56 PM): Thats the feeling i get.
pochakoxb (11:32:00 PM): I'm actually getting tired of being single, but all those who 'chase' me are BLACK.
Aoshi916 (11:32:33 PM): O_O
pochakoxb (11:32:57 PM): yup yup
Aoshi916 (11:32:57 PM): must you see people by their race?!
pochakoxb (11:33:39 PM): I'm more for asian people. Anyway two out of three personality pretty much sucks...
pochakoxb (11:33:53 PM): one smokes weed, the other does sex in school.
Aoshi916 (11:34:42 PM): w....t.............f
pochakoxb (11:35:10 PM): Thats what I tell myself...
Aoshi916 (11:36:24 PM): i g2g
Aoshi916 (11:36:26 PM): ttyl
Aoshi916 signed off at 11:36:31 PM.
aoshi916 is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.
pochakoxb (11:36:46 PM): heh, i guess the scare you too.

___________________________________________
Why the hell did I say all these things to him? Am I freaking stupid!? Suddently I felt like it's not me typing. I suddenly have this urge to be more open about things, I sound such a arrogant bitch. Why should he know that I'm tired of 'being' single...I mean this is suppose to be something I talk to girls, not guys. Oh my god, I feel like I just scared him off. I feel like a total retard. When he signed off that quick...i'm like either he really got to go, or he thought that I don't sound like the usual Steph. Everyday now I put up this face and this alttuide so my parents wouldn't be worried. Trying to fullfill people's needs. I think I might break down soon, again. I feel sick. (great now i feel like crying). I shouldn't cry, there are people out there who have it worst than me. Like my co-workers, one who lives with her grandparents because she doesn't feel secure, her father is all pro-his second wife, her mom is jobless, she's separated from her little brother. Another one who was kicked out and have to support herself. Why should be crying, be unsatisfiy with what I got. I live free under my parents, I have a laptop, I have things that most came from my parents (after a few 'credits' of being a good daughter). Why? I keep telling myself this but I just feel more and more hateful toward myself. I don't question my existence now, all I want is to get my fucking degree and take care of my parents. I don't care if I can't find myself a guy to have a family with. I just want to have a non-overstress LIFE.
My head, my thinking process is all jumbo up. I can't think straight. I can't find myself doing something productive other than BITCHing ONLINE! What the fuck is wrong with me. I feel so useless, lifeless, to the point I really wish I die...but then again I can't leave my parents, not at the moment, they need me, they can't go thru another lose....Its ridiculous of WHY I even type these bullshit things out! I'm slamming the keyboard like its really that durable. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm fucked up. I say things that doesn't correspond with my mind, similar to when I type. I feel so uneducated. So dumb. So uncultured. SO FUCKING FUCKED UP!

I have to stay away from my friends....I can't let them see me the way I am. This is not me...This is not who I want to be.

Oh my fucking god, every time i feel so miserable I turn my hate toward my parents, my mom. I hate it...they fucked up my life. I'm fucking scared. Because of what I saw and went thru. I feel so depress..omg.

Every week my little brother ask me if i have time to play with him, will i be able to finish my homework this week. I feel so stupid, I told myself i would not neglect him. But it can't be helped. I'm slow. I have trouble comprehend complex things. I don't think outside the box.

I want to scream.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Dying...

Why do I tend to dream of dying. Or like the cause of my death. Or what I'm going to do if I know i'm dying (like I got some incurable cancer). I sometimes dream of the death of my love ones and I seriously cry myself to sleep...which adds up to one of those times when I had a breakdown and i just cry and cry. Because of everything thats goes around my daily life that are making me unhappy yet I cannot express it to the ones who are causing me this ache.
sigh...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Single too long...

I think I've been single too long.
I actually would want to go on a date.
But not just with any guy.

Time to go back to work.

Friday, October 31, 2008

OMG....

OMG....
I am threaten to say by Camillie May(something something) "Olivia Wilde is hot".
Yeah...
Randomness...
Camillie <--- You're GAY!

Bored..10 more minutes before class starts.

Friday, October 17, 2008

I do think the same way...as a emo kid sometimes.

Why do I bother to do anything when at the end I die anyway?
Why do I have to selfless?
All these' whys' its crazy to think about it.
It drags me down.
Makes me sad.
But the world is still turning.
I'm still breathing...
So why not make the best of it until that times comes.
My mother didn't carry me for 9 month to see me become a hateful little creature.
Who would want to see their kid not enjoying life like its the best gift.

I want to become a nurse because its high in demand and its pretty much useful even outside of the hospital. I can even go work in other countries with my degree. I can help my family if anything goes wrong instead of waiting for the EMT. Stuff like that.
I'm doing it so I can repay my parents, so they can relax after working their butt for me and my siblings.
I don't want to be selfish, because it only makes me guilty, and because I was 'program' that way. Being the oldest means you have to be more mature and let the little ones get what they want but to a certain extent. I help m parents out even though it takes some of my time away - I do it because they have no else to rely on, because at the moment my little sister doesn't have a guilty conscious like if I choose to not help my parents out. And my little brother is too young to do anything that requires muscles. rofl.
I rather people be happy than me - because I know that if I was to die at least I did some good to those who I care about. I use to give myself to my parents all the time, which ends up haunting me because I'll end up having less time with school work. But nowadays I tell my parents ' no' whenever I really need to study. My parents should understand now that i'm in college and that most of the time its about ME.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Congestion

Its one of those days where I feel like my life is cram into one little 3x3 box.
I should just not go to school on Friday just so I can get some work done.....

Friday, October 3, 2008

A random update of the month.

My friend Camillie is being very upset.
Its spreads......
I'm feeling hungry now.
Food....SUSHI!
Sushi!
Sushi!
Camillie wants Sushi too.
Wo de peng you, Camillie hen xiao.

Anatomy & Physiology - Study Guide for Lab Exam 2

Skeleteon: The body's framework - constructed with (2) tissues: cartiage & bone. Hyaline cartilage --> embryos. Connected at joints and articulation.
Axial skeleton: bones that lie around the body's center of gravity.
Appendicular skeleton: bones of the limbs or appendages.
Compact bone: looks smmoth and hoogeneous.
Spongy (Cancellous) bone: composed of small bars (trabeculae) of bone and lots of open space.
Long bones: generally consist of a shaft with heads at either end - composed predominatly of compact bone (ex. femur & phalanges).
Short bones: typically cube shaped, and they contain more spondy bone than compact bones (ex. tarsals and carpals).
Flat bones: thing with (2) waferlike layers of compact bone sandwiching a layer of spongy bone between them also they may be curved (ex. bones of the skull).
Irregular bones: (ex. invertebrae).
Sesamoid bones: special type of short bones formed in tendons (ex. patellas)
Wormian/Sutural bones: thiny bones between cranial bones (not included in the 206 bones).
Bone markings: reveal where bones from joints with othe rbones, where muscles, tendons and ligaments were attached and where blood vessels and nerves passed. (projections/processes and depressions/ cavities).
Diaphysis: the shaft of the long bone.
Periosteum: a layer of fibrous connective tissue covering the surface of a bone.
Perforating (sharpey's fibers) Fibers:
Osteoclasts: bone-destorying cells.
Osteoblasts: bone-forming cells.
Epiphysis: The end of the bone.
Articular cartilage: covers the epiphyseal surface in place of the periosteum/covers the bone ends at movable joints. Function: glassy hyaline carilage - provides a smooth surface to prevent friction at joint surfaces.
Epiphyseal plate: a think area of hyaline catilage that provides for longitudinal growth of the bone during youth.
Epiphyseal lines: a thin, barely discernible remnants of a bone replacement.
Yellow marrow: a storage region for adipose tissue.
Red marrow: forms blood cells, found in the marrow cavities.
Endosteum:Function: covers teh trabeculae of spongy bone and lines the canals of copact bone. It contains both osteoblasts and osteoclasts.
Central (Harversian) canal: runs parallel to the long axis of the bone and carries blood vessels, nerves and lymph vessels through the bony matrix.
Osteocytes: mature bone cells.
Lacunae (chambers):
Circumferential lamellae:
Interstitial lamellae: remnants of circumferential lamellae that have been broke down.
Osteon (Haversian system):
Canaliculi: tiny canals radiating outward from a central canal to the lacunae of the first lamella and then from lamella to lamella. Function: forms a dense transportation network through the hard bone matrix, connecting all the living cells of the osteon to the nutrient supply. Whatever is not acquired will be passed on to the osteocyte.
Perforating (Volkmann's) canal: canals that run into the compact bone and marrow cavity from the periosteum at the right angles to the shaft. Function: complete the communication pathway between teh bone interior and its external surface.
Dochondral ossification: uses hyaline cartilage 'bones' as patterns for bone formation.
Periosteal bud: blood vessels, nerves, red marrow elements, osteoblasts and osteoclasts. Function: invades the cavity, which becomes the medullary cavity.
Primary ossification center:
Costal cartilages: found connecting the ribs to the sternum (breastbone).
Laryngeal cartilages: which largely construct the larynx (voice box).
Tracheal and bronchial cartilage: reinforce other passageways of the reespiratory system.
Nasal cartilages: supports the external nose.
Intervertebral discs: which separate cushion bones of the spine (vertebrae)
Cartilage tissue: typically consists primarily of water and is fairly resilent.
Hyaline cartilage: looks like forsted glass when viewed by the unaided eye.
Elastic cartilage: can be envisioned as 'hyaline cartilage with more elastic fibers'. More flexible and it tolerates repeated bending better.
Fibrocartilage: consists of rows of chondrocytes alternating with rows of thick collagen fibers. Function: use to construct the intervertebral discs and the cartilages within teh knee joint makes a lot of sense.

Ex. 10
Skull: composed of two sets of bones.
Cranium: enclose and protectthe fagile brain tissue.
Facial bones: present the eyes in an anterior position and form the base for the facial muscles, which make it possible for us to present out feelings to the world.

Facial Bones
Mandible: the lower jawbone, which articulates with the etporal bones in the only freely movably joints of the skull.
Mandibular body: horizontal portion; forms the chin.
Mandibular ramus: Vertical extension of the body on either side.
Mandibular condyle: articulation point of the mandible with teh mandibular fossa of the temporal bone.
Coronoid process: jutting anterior portion of the armus; site of muscle attachment.
Mandibular angle: posterior poitn at which ramus meets the body.
Mental foramen: Prominent opening on the body (lateral to the midline) that transmits the mental blood vessels and nerve to the lower jaw.
Mandibular foramen: Open the lower jaw of the skull to identify this prominent foramen on the medial aspect of the mandibular ramus. This foramen permits passage of the nerve involved with tooth sensation (mandibular branch of cranial nerve V) and is the site where teh dentist injects Novocain to prevent pain while working on the lower teeth.
Alveolar margin: superior margin of mandibly; contains sockets in which the teeth lie.
Mandibular symphysis: anterior median depression indicating point of mandibular fusion.
Maxillae: (2) bones fused in a median suture; form the upperjawbone and part of the orbits. All facial bones, except the mandible, join the maxillae. Thus they are the main or keystone, bones of the face.
Alveolar margin: Inferior margin containing sockets (alveoli) in which teeth lie.
Palatine processes: form the anterior hard palate.
Infraorbital foramen: opening under the orbit carrying the infraorbital nerves and blood vessels to the nasal region.
Incisive fossa: large bilateral opening loated posterior to the central incisor tooth of the maxilla and piercing the hard palate; transmits the nasopalatine arteries and blood vessels.
Palatine bone: paired bones posterior to the palatine processes; form posterior hard palate and part of the orbit.
Zygomatic bone: Lateral to the maxilla; forms the portion of the face commonly called the cheekbone, and forms part of the lateral orbit, its (3) processes are named for the bones with which they articulate.
Lacrimal bone: finger-nail-sized bones forming a part of the medial orbit walls between teh maxilla and the ethnmoid . Each lacrimal bone is pierced by an opening, the lacrimal fossa, which serves as a passageway for tears.
Nasal bone: small rectangular bones forming the bridge of the nose.
Vomer: blade-shaped bone in median plane of nasal cavity that forms the posterior and inferior nasal septum.
Inferior nasal conchae (turbinates): Thin curved bones protruding medially from the lateral walls of the nasal cavity; serve the same purpose as the turbinate portions of the ethmoid bone.
Hyoid bone: Location: throat above the larynx. Function: point of attachment with many tongue and neck muscles. Horse-shoe shaped with a body and two pairs of horns or Cornua.
Sinusitis: inflammation of the sinuses, somethinges occurs a result of an allergy or bacterial invasion of the sinus cavities. Passageways between the sinuses and nasal passages become blocked with thick mucus or infectious material.
Vertebral column: extending from the skull to the pelvis, forms teh body's major axial support. Function: it surrounds and protects the delicate spinal cord while allowing the spinal nerves to issue from the cord via openings between adjacent vertebrae.
Vertebrae: (24) single bones. 7/24 are cervical vertebrae. 12/24 are thoracic vertebrae. 5/24 are lumbar vertebrae.
Intervertebral discs: vertebrae are separated by pads of fibrocartilage. Function: cushion the vertebrae and absorb shocks. Each disc is compaed of two major regions, a central gelantinous nucleus pulposus that behaves like a fluid and an outer ring of encircling collagen fibers called the annulus fibrosus that stabilizes the disc and contains teh pulposus.
Ruptured discs

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Its 3 o'clock in the morning, yet i'm not sleepy...

I wonder what is wrong with me...
Whenever I feel optimistic I want to go back to being depress...or something like that. Like I don't know..I feel like there's something missing from my life. Or its just a maybe-feeling of wanting to have a week of relaxation yet I cannot allow that, because I have schoolwork to keep up. Or do I really want to be in a relationship...the feeling of wanting someone to care and love you in a non-family and non-friend way, but something more; just like Gavie said. I guess when he said to me, I was thinking I'm stronger than that. I don't want to like fall for the 'trend' that goes around. Yet its tempting.

Anyway yesterday I had a interesting moment.
My new friend, Cam, who is my also my Anatomy and Physiology lab class works at this Audio and Visual office. I went in because she needed help with studying for our AP exam. So i went in, since it wasn't that busy and all. So I went inside and when we settled down, her co-worker comes in and was talking to us - so we politely kicked him out. When we met up at Brookdale she tells me the guy ask that she hook him up with me. Like..yeah right...that guy obviously have no taste in girls. Cam was telling me how this guy does't look at girls as equals and he told her that he would get a gf to screw with...after hearing this 'i'm like what the hell would you even ask me for my answer. I guess she was just curious. Werid I got to admit, but interesting at the same time.

I'm just ranting again...
Just feel like typing all of a sudden....

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Entry #11

I'm such a retarded sad little person. Literally.
Just a moment ago, I was watching this video of my three friends - Wei, Cindy and Ting (well more like x-friend now). I was like 'oh my god, thats Ting'. I finally get to see how she is and all. She grew out her hair which looks pretty girly on her. From the looks of it she lost some weight too. Heh. And then I feel like crying..well I did tear...because that feeling of being abandoned came back. I really feel so freaking weak when it comes to friends. Because of this feeling I want to move away from NY. I can't believe I even WANT that. Just for one friend who just doesn't seem to give a shit how I feel...yet I'm still wondering how she's doing?
I always ask myself...she doesn't want to be your friend so what?
But I'm like...4 years...and she decide to cut it just like that without a word?
It really hurts...
It hurts more than when I got dumped.
I really wish she would just talk to me.
I don't want to assume anymore...FUCK!

I just wish if this dying feeling is real...if it is, I want it...(i'm fucked up)

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Entry #10

Why do I constantly have this dying feeling?

Maybe I'm just building up unnecessary pressure on myself.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Entry #9 - College Fall Semester

Oh my god, I seriously again overload myself with unnecessary classes.
I have readings for every single class.
Especially for Anatomy & Physiology class.
Today I went to my night lab for A&P - horrible way to wait 4 hours for the class and to spend another 4 hours in class. The TA (Teacher assistant) doesn't seem to know her stuff and she's consider to be a student going for her...what? Masters or Ph.D? I swear this must be the only class why so many people decide to change major. But I am determine to be a teacher hence...suck it up.
Oh and she reeks... x(
So anyway got home like 3 hours ago, I actually got out early because today's lab was just a review and does not require us to hand in a report...lame. She went so fast I didn't understand what was going on. Hence increase in study time for this subject. Anatomy & Physiology makes Chemistry look like a joke. Lets see...

My grandfather from my biological mother side passed away on Tuesday night of this week. So right now I'm just waiting for the whole funeral thing and just go to pay my respect. My mom didn't sound like she was upset, she sound like how she usual is. I guess she really really didn't like her father. Well she did say that she never calls her 'dad', and she knows it pissed him off a lot. My cousin said that he was ready to go. Some medical mistake apparently...that triggered a heart attack. I hope my grandmother is okay.

So many things to memorize...aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh well I guess I should treasure this last hangout on Sunday until the next hangout which should be 3 weeks later. Not bad I guess. No more slacking off. I need to get things done.

Damn it..I have work on Labor's Day.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Entry #8

Monday...Tuesday...and now Wednesday. So far I haven't been having any bad day...just yet.
Monday I went to work from 1-6.
Tuesday again work from 1-6.

The only problem I had was my contact lenses are interfering with my reading.
'Eclipse' - the book so far is alright, but I was sort of annoyed with the character, Bella. How her personality and character changed when she physically changed. I thought that was a bit harsh.

But I still have those coughs - second week already.

...thats about it.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Entry #7

Today I started out in the morning very moody with my father.
He did it again. "Go live with you mother if you're so unhappy here".
Trust me I would try to live with my mother if I didn't feel guilty about leaving my little brother behind. I feel like I'm taking over my stepmother's role. She doesn't do anything. Like she did with my little sister and I. No schedule...no workbook...nothing...just go to the summer program where he only played when he comes home he just plays video games or watch TV. I have to be strict in order to get him to do something productive. I feel like I have to make his schedule now...whatever is left of his Summer Vacation. I'll work on it with him tomorrow. There's another reason...he's starting Intermediate school and I want to make sure I'm there to help him. I'm definitely going to get strict on him. He's smart, but he can do even better. Sounds like I'm making excuses. But I really thing I should be selfless when it comes to him. I don't want him to turn into some rotten prince who can't do shit at home. Enough said.

However I did end my day pleasantly with my mother. We went shopping with my little sister at seaport. The whole shopping thing came from my mouth. But it wasn't for me, it was for my little brat. I don't like her emo-ness and hoped that shopping would at least give her a reason to smile and not give out mother a hard time. So anyway we went and walked and walked. Ended the day eating Chinese family-style dinner.

Aww damn I'm so beat. Gonna sleep now. (yawn)

Friday, August 15, 2008

Entry #6

Yesterday I worked at Abercombie & Fitch, working with a co-worker. She told me she and her boyfriend split. And then we just went on talking about relationships. Sometimes I wonder why my friends, well just a few of them insist that I go and find myself a boyfriend. A person's love other than your family is very different and almost even more comforting than family. Yet there are issues...like tons of issues following it: outsiders, jealousy, fights, and friends. I really don't think I'm suitable to date at this age. I'm not free, I can't be like "hey dad, I won't be home for dinner because I'm hanging out with my boyfriend", the only thing I'll hear from my dad would be, "You're just like your mother, boyfriend at a young age, only asking for trouble". (shake head)

Anyway next subject, on my way home on the subway these two kids were fooling around playing something like arm wrestle and the worst part is the little boy hooked his umbrella on the railing so if he slips he'll hit me. I gave them a few minutes and see if they finally notice that we are in a crowded subway and that they will end up hurting someone. But they didn't stop so I said, "Excuse me you're going to end up hitting me if you continue to play". Then I continue on reading. I mean seriously...where are their parents? Whats the point of having parents when they don't do shit about their kids other than pampering them?

Anyway I'm going to hang out with some of my friends again; leaving in a few minutes.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Monday, August 11, 2008

Entry #4

Yesterday I had fun with the guys. Its interesting...how all the friends I met were guys.
First I saw Kelly and Xavier in the train station. Kelly was returning the BBQ money which he 'forgot' and never seem to get around to give it back to me. Then I saw Kenny, every time that kid shows up he just seems to brighten my day - he always say the things that make me crack up. Its funny because it always got something to do with my age...damn it. Then I went to World Tong (Chinese restaurant - 62th street & 18th ave) with Tim, Haibin, Peter and Danny. Hanging out with them was interesting and fun. We went to BestBuy so Haibin and Tim can buy some games...Tim didn't give me a choice if I want to play Warcraft so I'm like thats great. I knew my father will make me return it. (Alias I was right). Later we drove to Haibin's house to play some Wii: Mario Smash Brothers Brawl, Mario Kart and finally Mario Party. Then Haibin was nice enough to drive me home.

I would feel better if I can just go see the doctor, but my stupid insurance got terminated..so I'm like...erk...now my sore throat is gone...but I have a build up of mucus and some allergy-related going on.I got home just in time for dinner. ^__^ perfect timing. Nothing interesting after that. I went to bed pretty early... I was really beat I guess due to my low immunity etc...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Entry #3 - Olympics

Just finish watching the Olympics. It was very interesting, especially watching the Chinese in the gymnastics. That was awesome. But everyone there are like...equally in body size from top to bottom. And they looked very short. I should look them up.

I just like...realize something. People I met all have their own little hang out group and like my little sister we just flow around. Its kind of hard to bring everyone together. But at least she seems to be included here and there. Me? The Majority of the time I feel like I'm only hanging out with friends is when I plan things. I am really tired of being the host of things. Its just not fun at all nowadays.

I thought I had a close HS friend and she's long gone.
Elementary friends...I just know where they are and thats it.
Jr.High friends...Here and There most of them are non-single so thats like...yeah...
Highschool friends...Just like...less than 6 now that I can count on.

Feeling extremely emo emo emo emo emo...

Right now I'm just hanging out my guy friends...I wonder how long is that going to last before my dad said I should hang out MORE with my own gender.

Or maybe its just me being sick now and its just fucking up my head now.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Entry #2

Before anything...A Moment of Silence for:
Bernie Mac; real name: Bernard Jeffrey McCullough
1957 - 2008
Age 50
Died from pneumonia
Pneumonia:an infection of one or both lungs which is usually caused by bacteria, viruses, or fungi.




Today was and still a nice day - yet I'm stuck home.

Supposedly there was a small reunion that I was hosting. Its all bullshit, because not many people were able to come or didn't bother to try to make it. I had to constantly change it so that at least I can get more than two people to come. At the end there was only one person who confirmed he was going and Conny said 'maybe' after her dentist appointment. I'm like (throwing a white flag up) gave-up the idea of having this reunion thing. I don't know many people except the ones from my 5th grade class and few twins here and there. But with that said I would have went if my sore throat didn't act up to the stage where I can not talk.

This entire day so far I've been jugging down cups after cups of water. TT_TT This is going to be one long weekend. Tomorrow I also plan to hang out with my friends in the morning for some tennis and then head over to yumcha. Depending how I'm feeling I just "may" go or just meet up with them later for yumcha.

Watched a little bit of Olympics. Dinner is almost ready. After dinner I should do some catching up with my reading:

Entry #1

After watching 'Heart of Greed' a TVB drama, I suddenly have a urge to write a daily entry. But again, like I've been saying...I have so many blogs that I wish I can link them so it makes my work and conscious a lot easier. Because I feel guilty for not updating my other ones like Myspace, Facebook, Livejournal and Xanga. But this one seems to be more professional looking.

Anyway This is all I will update for now.
Since its pretty damn late.