Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

The physical part is neccessary.

Yesterday I had a good day.

Met up with Rui around 11ish am spend up to 10:30pm with him. It was great, if only it ended with me cuddling next to him and sleep. 

I just want to just spend the whole day hugging him. Like a stuff animal, holding him tight and close.We went to DMV, got my permit, went to grab lunch at K-town and had something similar to a Seven-11 setting, then we went to soho because he needed to find a good dress shirt for interview, so we went to express in soho after we couldn't find anything n Uniqlo, H&M. He was being picky, which is good I suppose, at least it shows he has some expectation and not be 'whatever' like me. Then we went to watch Prince of Persia, good movie, I like it when he hugs me and then we went down to eat dinner. We had fuzhou food. It was pretty good for a cheap price.

I just can't help it, I didn't want to go home, I just want to go home with him. I'm so use to him, being with him when were in Stony Brook, that sometimes I get sad thinking about.

How limited I am to seeing him. If I can just go out and sleepover it would have been better. The feeling only gets worst when he tells me how much he wants to see me.  >_<

He got me upset because he really want to see me yesterday so the night before he said something to enhance my anger on purpose so that I would give-in I guess. 

But I'm glad I get a chance to spend the whole day with him.

//Aneko//

I don't mean it.

Ai, sometimes I act cold. Its a stupid defense mechanism I created.
I don't mean to be negative.
Ai.

//Aneko//

Just a random moment.

My first legit relationship was in High School, it started out on May 10, 2005.

A little less than five years later I find a new love, on March 08, 2010.
I honestly thought it was longer than that, but I guess not according to my livejournal entries.

 Rui Zheng &Me

He's not as good looking as my previous one, but his heart point towards me and only on me. Its been two months and he has yet to leave me a single doubt of his loyalty. He's a determined kid, never gives up especially on a physics problem. He likes to say things and when ask where he get his reference he'll just BS his way. He lets me have it my way, (majority of the time), he would spend every time of his time to tutor me in physics. He makes me feel secure, when I cry he's there, he comforts me. His cooking skills is not that great, I really hope he improves. I will try to improve mines too. He does have a few flaws but every little thing he does just builds up and makes me feel content. That I try not to think about it too much, but hope that he also improves in it. Not like I'm flawless, plenty of flaws.

Just a random thought, while I wait for my hair to air dry, since I'm not in my dorm anymore, I actually have to care whether I wake anyone up, because there's no outlet in the bathroom so I have no where to blow dry my hair.

I have to start showering early.

//Aneko//

Being annoyed.

I guess I don't like to hide my true feelings.

He pretty much got the hint that I am annoyed.
I suggest this and that and he keeps saying 'no'.

Whatever

'go away'!

Forgiving...

I remember my mum once said 'forgive but never forget'.
I guess thats what got me to just continue on life and not hold a grudge aganist my biological mom.
But when I talk to my little sister the 'hate' came back.
I send my mom a box of edible and she e-mailed us:

OMG!  I'm in heaven...you kids are great!
I just got the box of chocolate with strawberries...
Just the mere sight of you girls sending me the gift brightened up my whole entire day!!!!!! =D
I am soooooooooooooo happy right now I could cry!

I love you both so very much!
MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH MUAH!!!!!

MoMmy =*)

Why did I even bother sending her and my stepmom a gift for mother's day? Because they been supporting me the stuff I need physically. While f-ing up my mentality. 

Empty

The feeling of feeling empty is a feeling right?

All I want to do is just listen to music.

You can call me a bitch a dumb person whose oblivious to everything.

Because everything you say to me affects me.

I care therefore I am hurt.

Which is why death seems so welcoming sometimes.

Dying...

I wonder if I die will she grow up.
Should I kill myself in order for her to see that I can't be there for everyone?
We are suppose to share the burden.
She's thinks she's the only one in pain, but I'm on the other end receiving more impact because of her lack of interest on the surface.

She made feel miserable about who I am. But I still walk on.
She degrades me as a person. But I am still around.

She thinks she's mature because of her solitude life, yet why is everyone running to me when they need help? Why doesn't she realize she's causing me indirect unnecessary burdens.
Life is hard when things that shouldn't be bothered are taking over.

//Aneko//

Akeboshi - 廃墟のソファ (Haikyo no Sofa)

Being called 'Fat'

Normally I don't care if my parents call me fat.
But I guess once there's someone in your life you want to look good.
So I guess I will need to go to the gym at least once a day. And dieting.

>_<
Damn it.

//Aneko//