一月十四號 - 青天

Feeling irritated. Like I want to punch something. WHY? Because spring class is starting in two weeks, my birthday is next Thursday and I'm busy from morning to night. sigh. Feeling a bit down. I asked my dad if we're gonna do dinner for my birthday and he said 'yeah most likely' and I'm okay, "I won't go to my class" and he said, "won't you miss a lot of important stuff" and i'm like "yeah". At this point I don't care too much, because 22nd is the last day of class, but my dad was like we can always reschedule. My dad has a point but I really don't feel like going to class on the day of my birthday. Whatever I'll go to class. Whatever. Getting a little depress actually at the moment. I'm going through a phase where I want to give up.  The class is not hard, but just that I don't have time for myself and that really gets me. Working during the day and then I have evening classes. I get home by 10pm. So yeah.

Currently listening to music to cheer me up.

再見

一月十二號 - 青天

Convo between Diana and me.
Aneko   says:
 jiiiiieeeeeeeee I might be in trouble laaaaa....
d i a n a says:
 y?
 u like rui now?
Aneko   says:
 just a little bit, like when he didn't reply to my text, or call and he deactivated his facebook, i felt a little uneasy, because I thought he was trying to avoid ME this time. hahaha
 Or maybe I just worried he might pull a 'Ting' on me.
d i a n a says:
 LOL
Aneko   says:
 maybe thats it.
 not like i like the kid right?
d i a n a says:
 haha !
 or maybe it's a strategy that will make u miss him
Aneko   says:
 hahaha.
 well anyway he did text back after an hr. I called to see if everything was alright. He just had a migraine the whole day so he was sleeping. Because seriously no joke, he always picks up on the first ring.
d i a n a says:
 imm telling you im sure it's way for u to miss him
 lols
 cause he's always clingy
 that boy knows how to play the game lolol
Aneko   says:
 hahaha psh I know how to play mine.
 dude this song is stuck on my head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_yKdtZkXPw&feature=sub
d i a n a says:
 well it seems like you're losing
Aneko   says:
 hahah as long I don't say 'I Do' i'm good.

Chiew. I don't think so! hahaha. Man I don't remember being this consistent with my journal writing.

Back to reading the bible. T__T

 再見

一月十一號 - 青天

Maybe I'm just being a little paranoid, but is he avoiding me NOW?

He actually didn't pick up my phone call or text me back today.

Hmm I wonder if he manage to read my last blog. Unless he really did search for it, which isn't a surprise if he did.

Got home and just showered. Relax mode. Just a little bit. Then off to reading the bible and doing more questions. Eww.

再見

7:56pm
From the moment I was done writing this blog to getting a text from him which surprisingly gave me a sigh of relief, maybe I do like this kid (just a little bit).In my mind all I kept thinking was, "what is HE thinking" . When he texted me at (7:45pm) I instantly called him back to see how he was feeling.

So after I finished talking to him, I'm thinking do I like this kid because I did feel uneasy for a moment. Or I just can't deal when a friend is angry at me or I'm afraid he might pull a 'Ting' on me. I still remember that feeling of someone who cut all communication with me without any notice. It really hurts.

一月十號 - 青天

So I manage not to go on any messengers today (aim and yahoo) but I am currently on Skype and Oovoo. Why? To avoid him. Because I seriously doubt that constant communication will make him not-like me. Even though he claim that he will miss me more if I avoid him. But I think a little cold-shoulder might help my situation.

He texted me: @ 7:17pm
Called: @7:57pm
Texted again: @ 10:06pm

What am I going to do with him? I'm a soft when it comes to these things. Because I see some good quality in this kid. So he's not a total turn-off, if I communicate with him everyday like this I might actually LIKE this kid.

My friend Anne did say something that was true, I do enjoy his company.

Yesterday at the mall he did behave. He wasn't like all over me, he didn't even offer to help me carry my shopping bag which was totally alright with me. Not everyone knows that he likes me. Before I even toldJennifer that he likes me she's like yeah I know, he made very obvious.

Oh well. Time to go back to reading the Old Testament and do my Online quiz for Christianity class.



再見

Rejected him...

Even though I rejected him, he doesn't move away. I was half expecting him to stop calling me, and stop messaging me after that day I asked him upfront if he likes me more than friends, and I told him that he shouldn't waste his time on me, because i'm not interested in dating. And when i told him to give up (again) after his confession the day before my final 12/20.

He's so considerate that I feel bad that I said no, but I don't feel anything for this kid.
But I knew he was going to call me today.
I was sleeping and I dream that my phone was ringing and it was his picture ID that showed up.
Then at that moment, he really did called and i'm like 'hahaha'. So I couldn't help it but pick it up and talked for like five minutes with the kid.
He also created this get well flash for me. It was really sweet of him. His message did touch me a bit.
But I'm not going to give in, hopefully. I always believe people should get a chance, but with my major still not declare, dating is one thing I don't want on my agenda. But then again he likes the chase so I'll let him have his fun.

//Aneko//

十一月五日 - 雨天

Sometimes I don't know what I should be doing? If the way I'm thinking now is the best and correct way for me to handle the situation.

I'm going back to building up my defense mechanism when Jong broke up with me.

At first I thought I could open my heart again and allow myself to date again. When I finally do I end up falling for Michael Yen, but its because of his personality and not because of his looks (not very attractive at all). Then Anne came to the picture and I start to back away. Everyone was telling me how similar Anne and I was, that I'm starting to back away from him. At least when he's not hurt or anything. Then Rui came along, and I just find him to be kinda cute. But I can't find myself attract to him. Which is why I'm gonna make it clear to him, to not waste time on me, if he's just being close because he likes me. Then I got Andy, I don't know what is with this guy, I swear he's into Dominique yet he's flowing over to me? Maybe what Bianca said was correct, that he just wants info on Dominique (since Dominique is breaking up with her boyfriend after their trip to Canada). So I must be overthinking. But I can't find myself being with a non-asian, because I feel that non-asians won't appreciate who I am and just how I look (not claiming that I look good or anything, but I still look like a bloody freshmen).

So right now I'm going back to what I've always been, no relationship. Not even dating. I don't care what James Weider have to say, that guy can take his wisdom and shove it up his ass. I really can care less. I have no time for guys, so there is no point in thinking about it.

What really turned me off is the relationship I see between Anne and Michael. The problem they had before that prevented me from doing my own work was like the last straw. Anne being with Miguel and Michael complaining to me. I don't know why I care so much for people around me, and I end up pulling my old habit again - helping with friend's issue before my own. I'm just gonna be there when I have the time to deal with them. But from what Anne told me yesterday they shouldn't need me for a while. They're so much fun to be with, when we take out the quarrel out of the equation.

And I have Park, who called me Yesterday because he lost his wallet. I'm like FML, now the responsibility is on me to help him call Lost and Found on Monday. WHY PARK!?! Why did you call me and not your other friends who speaks both Korean and English!! because I was on the phone like fifteen minutes trying to understand his situation. OMG. But then again he's a stranger in the U.S so it only makes sense he would look for a native to help him out. I think I would have done the same.

Now I need to take care of my Psychology exam (Thursday) first before anything else.

I can't believe I'm going to the compeition this Sunday. FML

I'm glad that I blogged before starting my reading. Feeling a lot better. I don't find the need to burden anyone my life, when they all have their own shit to deal with. I guess I like to be dependent on.

I'm stupid.

一十月四ho