Annoyed

I really don't like being on AIM anymore. I'm always busy with something and I tend to get interrupted.
Like this friend of mine, who just IMed me who says he needs a 'reality check' so he comes to me and throws emo-things at me. About education. I said why don't you go for law, since you like to express your opinions and extremely talkative. He said I'm the fifth one to tell him that. I'm like so I guess there's an option other than Computer Science. And then he goes thru this whole thing about how he did bad in law in Highschool. Big deal. I fucked up in all my science classes back in highschool, I'm still determine to be a nurse. What got me more pissed off was at the end, he said that what he's gonna say will kill everything I encourage. "I lost interest in law". What the fuck? I ask why didn't he say that the first place so I don't need to waste my time to encourage you. Ass.
Throughout the convo, I do not feel that I was any way comforting. I was more like a Pit bull whose gonna bit him if he continue to provoke me.

Parents.

I really don't know what my stepmother want.
She complain about my father not communicating with her. About how my father doesn't care about her. How he treats us better than her.
Apparently being his kid is not a good enough answer.
He try to talk to her, like today while they were cooking, she gets aggravated whenever he ask her a simple question. She would sound like he's annoying. She doesn't answer in a nice way.

I feel so tight on my chest, because I really want to tell her to stop being such a bitch. She's getting her way and she doesn't seem to see it. I swear I don't know how much I can 'pretend' before I burst out. I just feel bad for my father.

Not knowing whether I should be angry.

For a couple of days, I've been contemplating whether I should be mad at a friend of mine. Who pretty much cheated on his girlfriend, who lied to be from the beginning of what he really wanted. He purposely dragged things too long when it should have been over in a week or two, not a month. He pretty much lie to me about not able to come to my dinner, saying his friend was depress over a stupid break up. But he really wanted to be with that person. As you can see I really want to say the negative thing but I rather not. He lied when he said he wasn't interested in dating her, he was just attracted by her ditzy personality. The truth is he did want to approach her from day 1. What a idiot for me to believe everything he told me. I seriously made myself look like an ass, trying to help him, get out of the trivial situation. Why do people take advantage of me like this. I give them my heart and they throw it back to me with missing pieces.

I still cannot come up with a conclusion.

Soundtracks

The Lion King - Live Broadway Show - Original Soundtrack
Lavender - OST - Not too sure if this is it, because I was given this a long time ago.

Dreaming about planning out my death

Its funny, how I'm not dying, yet I'm already thinking of what to do to make sure that my family doesn't have to do too much planning. Its weird, and this is how I fall asleep at night. Besides wanting company. The more I want something to happen the more I feel stupid about myself. Weak. Miserable. When I don't care...heh. Yeah right, like I can really become the 'I-don't-care' person anymore. Thats gonna take some work. Typing on the blog is easier than writing on paper, because i'll have to constantly cross-out and rewrite it when i can just in one swift click I can delete something.

No Time.

Why do I feel like I don't have time for anything anymore?
I want to quit my work, but I can't because I don't want to be limited to how much I spend. My parents tend to make me re-think whenever I want to go out by saying, 'Stop wasting your money, you only get XYZ'. Hence I work. I get to drink and eat whatever I want. I only work once a week now. Not a big deal, not a big enough reason for me to quit anyway.

Feeling emo again.

I cant' seem to get my school work over with.

I can't focus.

My management is really weak.

Oh darn....

Well since its the new year. I should just make a new blog.
I have yet written or update anything in my diary.
Man I feel like my whole life is right before me.
Computer...Laptop....oh boy.