Dreaming about planning out my death

Its funny, how I'm not dying, yet I'm already thinking of what to do to make sure that my family doesn't have to do too much planning. Its weird, and this is how I fall asleep at night. Besides wanting company. The more I want something to happen the more I feel stupid about myself. Weak. Miserable. When I don't care...heh. Yeah right, like I can really become the 'I-don't-care' person anymore. Thats gonna take some work. Typing on the blog is easier than writing on paper, because i'll have to constantly cross-out and rewrite it when i can just in one swift click I can delete something.