Nothing to say.

I hate it when I have nothing interesting to say.
I don't feel like I'm engaging in the relationship.
Maybe thats why I'm so playful, I make a fool out of myself and then something interesting happens.

Why am I such a boring person?

Oh well back to work.

//Aneko//

I actually have the urge to blog before going to sleep.

So I'm working on my math homework and I look at the time and its 2 in the morning. Granted I don't have class until 2pm. So why sleep so early. These couple of days I've been feeling all bubbly. The happy kind. How long will this one last? I don't want to give in too early which is why nothing is official yet. Its just so hard to explain.  Being in Stony Brook and living in West, I feel like I'm in an apartment and that freedom feels so good. But once summer vacation hits I know life will go back to my cage, where I am obligated to do everything for my family. But this time I won't be too upset about it. Because I know I have him to talk to and he will make my day. But at the same time the guilt is still there. So I have to decide to end it or keep it. Which is why not a lot of people know, because its not establish. If I end it, there will be no third chance. And I will only be breaking my own heart this time. Who knows when I'll piece is back together and open the windows again. Life is all about chances I guess. Maybe after two month, the feeling will be gone and if he was to end it at least I won't fall too hard, because the strings are not attach yet. Since I've been with him, I want to look good, but at the same time I don't want to lose my identity. My outfit is what make me feel the way I am, confident, strong, and open-minded. Maybe if one year hits I might just dress up. Just once. But its still too early to think about. I need to first focus on my exams and then my love life can come forward.

FIGHTING!

/Aneko/

Feeling Stupid.

Why the hell did I try last night?
I was frightened? Annoyed?

//Aneko//

I made it....not really.

Yesterday I got a phone call.
I got accepted to the Respiratory Care program.
I should be jumping up with joy. Having a little party of my own.
Sadly, I am failing one of the required classes, and I can't seem to move away from the reality.
No matter how I keep telling myself all the positive things that can happen.

Why am I like this?

I have to stop. I can't let people around me worry about me.
I need to cut my social life into half. Even more than half. I need to hide and study.

Who knew I actually drink half a smirnoff ice, because of my terrible mood.

I only had one, but I'm sleepy, so much for building up tolerance.

//Aneko//