If only killing oneself doesn't involve the sadness of family.
If only killing oneself wasn't look down by others.
If only killing oneself isn't illegal.
If only I did not born into a world where I have three meals, a roof over my head, clothes to wear then I wouldn't need to feel guilty about throwing my life, while there are those who are working hard everyday to feed themselves.
I might actually prescribe a bottle of sleeping pills and give myself a good night sleep.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Who am I kidding.
I hate emos and I'm every full moon become one of the.
How pathetic.
I smile and laugh and encourage around everyone. But can't I do that for myself. I don't know maybe I'm longing for someone I can pour my heart too. Just someone who I can just call or be with and not say a word. Or just hear them talk. Someone I can feel a connection. Common interest. Something. Maybe its just me. Maybe i'm not applying myself to gain some sort of interest like everyone else. Some people like this certain author or anime and I don't bring myself to look into it. This shit reminds me how Ting use to recommend this and that and each time I said I will look into it and I never did. Pathetic.
Lets make a list of why I feel Pathetic:
1. I am a horrible role model for my little brother. I am bringing him up the wrong way according to my little sister because everyone in the family is spoiling him. While she thinks that because everyone is spoiling him that she shouldn't put in any effort to teach him.
2. I can't seem to ever clean my room even if I try it still looks the same. Can never seem to organize things the way my little sister does, who accomplish it so well.
3. Constantly feeling that I don't have the ambition to do well in school. I would study for hours and never a good result.
4. I feel pointless. Hence I watch pointless animes.
5.
How pathetic.
I smile and laugh and encourage around everyone. But can't I do that for myself. I don't know maybe I'm longing for someone I can pour my heart too. Just someone who I can just call or be with and not say a word. Or just hear them talk. Someone I can feel a connection. Common interest. Something. Maybe its just me. Maybe i'm not applying myself to gain some sort of interest like everyone else. Some people like this certain author or anime and I don't bring myself to look into it. This shit reminds me how Ting use to recommend this and that and each time I said I will look into it and I never did. Pathetic.
Lets make a list of why I feel Pathetic:
1. I am a horrible role model for my little brother. I am bringing him up the wrong way according to my little sister because everyone in the family is spoiling him. While she thinks that because everyone is spoiling him that she shouldn't put in any effort to teach him.
2. I can't seem to ever clean my room even if I try it still looks the same. Can never seem to organize things the way my little sister does, who accomplish it so well.
3. Constantly feeling that I don't have the ambition to do well in school. I would study for hours and never a good result.
4. I feel pointless. Hence I watch pointless animes.
5.
Feeling no connection.
Feeling excluded.
Feeling lonely.
Feeling sadness.
Feeling hatred.
Feeling lost.
Feeling pain.
Feeling unwanted.
Feeling I am Lost.
Feeling lonely.
Feeling sadness.
Feeling hatred.
Feeling lost.
Feeling pain.
Feeling unwanted.
Feeling I am Lost.
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