Parents II.

Why is that one argument tend to lead to something different, and they think that its not it?
My dad asked my stepmom if she wants to read these magazines, because if not, he's gonna recycle them like he always does. And she gave him a 'dead' answer, to my father that was the last straw. So he sort of blew up, and ask her whats her problem. She's always bitching about him, about his way of tone, and she doesn't seem to see it in herself. She does, but she doesn't care. I ask her and she evaded the question. So from their lack of communication to, who does the most work in the house, or who put in more effort? What the fuck? And here my dad making himself sound like he 'the perfect dad and husband' and my stepmo is making herself sound like the 'changed, and well-cooperative wife'. Throughout the conversation, I feel like she's jealous of the way my dad talks to me. My dad said if i have a favor he will try to compile and if its was my stepmom, nothing. Thats what she said, and she was in tears which doesn't make sense. and THe she was like tell the tenants to move out, because she's moving downstairs. I'm like 'mom, mom , mom, stop this crap'.

Criticize

I don't know, why I'm upset with my father.
Every single time he starts giving me the same life lectures I get extremely annoyed.
Its not even the first, second or third time.
I know he wish me well, but sometimes I really wish he would let me evolve on my own and not have him point finger at me at how slow I'm progressing. And that my the 'nerves in your brain' will not expand. Living in NY, you need to be 'sharp' and 'smart'. You can't just lazily go about your daily life. If you're so 'lazily' then don't bother with nursing, just be a Secretary, picking up phone calls. That got me really pissed off. And he wonders why I'm upset with him. Like his intentions are good, but his context is nerve-reckoning. I feel dumber and dumber. This is the part I think life is not worth living. I really want to do good, but there are other things I have to apply to myself tha I really think life is not worth it. I'm better off dead, and give up my organs to people who want to live, and then donate all my stuffs to kids who didn't get a chance to go thru the luxury that I got. I'm thinking, wow, I'm condeming myself over this. How stupid am I. But thats how I feel at the moment and I feel better about it.

Annoyed

I really don't like being on AIM anymore. I'm always busy with something and I tend to get interrupted.
Like this friend of mine, who just IMed me who says he needs a 'reality check' so he comes to me and throws emo-things at me. About education. I said why don't you go for law, since you like to express your opinions and extremely talkative. He said I'm the fifth one to tell him that. I'm like so I guess there's an option other than Computer Science. And then he goes thru this whole thing about how he did bad in law in Highschool. Big deal. I fucked up in all my science classes back in highschool, I'm still determine to be a nurse. What got me more pissed off was at the end, he said that what he's gonna say will kill everything I encourage. "I lost interest in law". What the fuck? I ask why didn't he say that the first place so I don't need to waste my time to encourage you. Ass.
Throughout the convo, I do not feel that I was any way comforting. I was more like a Pit bull whose gonna bit him if he continue to provoke me.

Parents.

I really don't know what my stepmother want.
She complain about my father not communicating with her. About how my father doesn't care about her. How he treats us better than her.
Apparently being his kid is not a good enough answer.
He try to talk to her, like today while they were cooking, she gets aggravated whenever he ask her a simple question. She would sound like he's annoying. She doesn't answer in a nice way.

I feel so tight on my chest, because I really want to tell her to stop being such a bitch. She's getting her way and she doesn't seem to see it. I swear I don't know how much I can 'pretend' before I burst out. I just feel bad for my father.

Not knowing whether I should be angry.

For a couple of days, I've been contemplating whether I should be mad at a friend of mine. Who pretty much cheated on his girlfriend, who lied to be from the beginning of what he really wanted. He purposely dragged things too long when it should have been over in a week or two, not a month. He pretty much lie to me about not able to come to my dinner, saying his friend was depress over a stupid break up. But he really wanted to be with that person. As you can see I really want to say the negative thing but I rather not. He lied when he said he wasn't interested in dating her, he was just attracted by her ditzy personality. The truth is he did want to approach her from day 1. What a idiot for me to believe everything he told me. I seriously made myself look like an ass, trying to help him, get out of the trivial situation. Why do people take advantage of me like this. I give them my heart and they throw it back to me with missing pieces.

I still cannot come up with a conclusion.

Soundtracks

The Lion King - Live Broadway Show - Original Soundtrack
Lavender - OST - Not too sure if this is it, because I was given this a long time ago.